sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
