I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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