Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
