I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Randomize
