I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize