we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
