Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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