gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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