I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
