i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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