sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Be still, my beating vagina.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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