her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
