Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
