im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
