Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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