i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
