I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
