My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he thought i was a dude.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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