I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
