I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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