Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
