You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
