Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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