when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
