...so i touched it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
