I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
