They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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