youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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