I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
