i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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