My friends, they love my intelligence
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
