apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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