After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
