his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
