The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
