There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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