yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
