And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
