Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
