They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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