It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
