and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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