I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
