If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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