Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
