u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
