Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
