My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I love having hate sex.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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