If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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