the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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